Thursday, November 26, 2009

Holy God It's Thanksgiving (It's OVER)

Well, happy Thanksgiving everyone (even if you aren't in the United States, you probably still have something to be thankful for). As with Halloween, I'm gathering up all the comic strips that are about the holiday. I thought that maybe there wouldn't be so many, but then I realized some things:
-Thanksgiving is totally non-secular
-It is mainly about football and eating
This makes it pretty much the most American thing ever, so when this is done, there will be nearly a hundred comics on this page since I'm updating whenever I get a few minutes. Oh dear god. For the sake of time, I'm not putting the date for any of these. They're all from today, except for the classic FoxTrot which is showing today anyway.

6 Chix

A lot of them are like this: simple wishes for a happy Thanksgiving.

Blondie

I fail to see why this would be a good idea in anything but theory, but I guess some people like chocolate turkeys.

Crankshaft

Crankshaft is part of another breed: the Thanksgiving storyline. As usual, Crankshaft messed the holiday up. It wasn't anything special.

Crock

Why is the French Foreign Legion celebrating Thanksgiving? Furthermore, how do they keep eating Chester? He's a reoccurring character whose sole purpose is to get eaten. Also, if he gets eaten, he can't talk to his mother at all.

Curtis

Curtis was doing a storyline, too, but chose to do this today instead. I don't mind, it's sort of classy.

Dennis the Menace

You know what? Up yours, Dennis.

Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee

Edision Lee was also doing a storyline, but chose to take a brief segue to do this joke about how Orville likes pie. At least it's not being political.

Family Circus

Up yours, too, Billy. You fat piece of stupid.

Funky Winkerbean

The band director (Harry something or other) loves Thanksgiving because it reminds him of his former life when he was happy, unlike every other character in this strip. Then he lost his hearing, and now he's like this. Smile while you can.

Grin and Bear It

The pilgrims ate what they could so they wouldn't die, you stupid kid.

Hazel

The first of many football jokes we'll be seeing today. Some of them are even funny, if you can believe it.

Hi and Lois

Lois has that look on her face because Thurston is wearing a loin-cloth, but he doesn't really know how they work. Ditto is smiling for the same reason.

The Lockhorns

The Lockhorns celebrate even though they have nothing to be thankful for at all.

Mallard Fillmore

Mallard Fillmore, likes always, takes any sort of happiness or joy you can have on a holiday and defecates all over it. I hate you, Mallard Fillmore.

Marvin

I hope they all choke and die on their burnt turkey.

Mary Worth

Mary Worth does the bare minimum by inserting a text box in a random panel. If it's not meddling, she won't give her all, I guess.

Mutts

Mutts has been doing one of their weeks when they just have random quotes instead of jokes, ending with this odd duck. It fits, I guess, but fails to make sense.

Pajama Diaries

This strip's also been doing Thanksgiving stuff all week. This panel has nothing to do with the rest of the storyline, save that they've gotten around to celebrating the holiday.

Safe Havens

Man, her solution for everything is to turn it into something else.

Sally Forth

The entire cast of "Sally Forth" has been punished for hubris this week as they were set upon by Ted's parents instead of Sally's mother. The lesson, I guess, was that parents suck.

Todd the Dinosaur

One year I tried this, but then I realized that, even when famished, I eat very little.

Agnes

I have no idea what she's talking about because I didn't read Agnes this week. nothing against the strip, I just never sought it out.

Animal Crackers

A lot of jokes on Thanksgiving have to do with not being a turkey, as Safe Havens helped illustrate. We've barely started with them, regrettably.

Arlo and Janis

Wouldn't those have caught fire from being in an oven? Perhaps they're made of abestos or something, in which case this will not be a very happy Thanksgiving for them.

Baldo

Listen, I don't care what nationality you are, but if you don't serve turkey on Thanksgiving there's something terribly wrong.

Basic Instructions

Why, this isn't instructing me to do anything at all! I call shenanigans!

BC

I'm counting this as a joke about not being a turkey, which means we're at three.

Bob the Squirrel

That pizza better have turkey on it. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Born Loser

Stupidity does not excuse you. I do like Brutus's single tear, however. He gets it.

Brewster Rockit

I guess this counts as a Thanksgiving strip. Heck, it put more effort into the holiday thing than Mary Worth.

Cathy

I hate both of those terms, as well as this strip. Stupid Cathy.

C'est La Vie

Is everyone shocked because that woman has large breasts, or because she seems sort of flighty?

Cleats


Why would you schedule a soccer tournament for Thanksgiving? That's almost worst than not having a turkey. (Per the turkey thing: if you're totally unable to get turkey for one reason or another, such as if you're stuck at an airport or work, then you're excused.) Also, I'm counting this in the turkey talley. Four jokes so far.

Cow and Boy

Is this a running joke in the strip? How many running jokes does it have? Not that I mind, it's a good strip, it's just... my goodness. Also, they needed those calories to survive, Boy. TO SURVIVE.

Nest Heads

Oh ho ho, a joke about in-laws! Classic! Hold up, what's with that turkey? It's so very lumpy. I fear it.

Daddy's Home

Man, I should be keeping a running tab on jokes about the first Thanksgiving. Give me a moment.

...

There's five so far.

Mike Luckovich

They won't. Elephants love their potatoes.

Cul de Sac

I could also keep a running total about how many comics are about being thankful, but it's Thanksgiving. That pretty much guarantees that they're all about that.

Dinette Set

Grateful? Why not thankful? Why you gotta be like that, Dinette Set?

Dog Eat Doug

That dog is really easily amused.

The Doozies

I'm not sure whether or not I should find the concept of a character commissioning a balloon based upon themselves amusing or not. On the other hand, it was Charles Schulz's birthday today, I guess! He would have been very old.

Duplex

That's three jokes about turkey being burnt beyond the point of being edible.

Elderberries

Dusty Winters is sort of a jerk, I guess.

Classic Fox Trot

What ever happened to Denise? I don't recall seeing her at all during the last few years of strips. Did she and Peter break up or something, or did she pull a Lyman?

Flight Deck

HA HA, THAT GUY LIKES TO EAT! HUMOR ABOUNDS!

Flo and Friends

Three jokes today about turkey making you sleepy.

Flying McCoys

That turkey is so getting his head chopped off, it's not even funny.

F Minus

Four jokes about sleeping. This guy is dreaming about eating more turkey, yet he's all alone. Is he some sort of addict? Wait, is the joke that he's sort of stuffed like the turkey now?

Free Range

Either that turkey married a pre-cooked turkey, or they're going a bit too far with the pre-existing condition nonsense. Nothing has ever been born cooked.

Garfield

At least it's a turkey pizza, though I have to wonder how much it'll satiate Garfield's hunger. Not very much, I'm assuming.

Girls and Sports

Looking at this comic, I suddenly realize that I, too, have the ability to become a successful cartoonist. Also, woo, football?

Grand Avenue

I don't remember ever reading half these strips. I must have, as my duties as a DCR blogger have me read all these strips every Thursday and Friday. I just don't remember them. I assume they existed before.

Heart of the City

I'll allow something like this from Mark Tatulli, seeing as how he does two strips daily.

Lio

Even if his other strip has no words and I have no idea what they're serving. I'm going to assume it's turkey-related.

Heathcliff

Aren't you supposed to baste the turkey while it's cooking?

Home and Away

I have slept for about two hours over the past two days. I bring this up for no reason, except he's talking about sleep.

Imagine This

Evil bear thing blew up turkey. LAUGHS.

Jump Start

This is about Thanksgiving. Joe is doing it because his wife Marcy had to work on Thanksgiving. She's vegan.

Kit and Carlyle

I'd start a tally about how many strips are about how much people and animals like to eat turkey, but seriously, they're nearly all like that.

Knight Life

Six jokes about the first Thanksgiving. Why is this strip called "The Knight Life" anyway? There are no knights in it.

La Cucaracha

Why is a pilgrim there?

Luann

Why does Brad's mom hate his girlfriend so much?

Meaning of Lila

I'm counting this as Thanksgiving-related since she's having an awkward conversation with a relative over dinner. Those are odd-looking forks.

Moderately Confused

HA HA EATING MAKES YOU FAT.

Momma

I think this is a strip about a turkey not wanting to be itself. Which means that it's not about not wanting to be a turkey so much as it is self-hatred. Deep themes coming from Momma today.

Monty

It's always nice when ghosts leave you literature. Also, isn't rude language a part of the whole Thanksgiving mystique?

Mythtickle

It's about Thanksgiving. Really, I've done like sixty strips so far, and while I'm aware that none of the commentary has been stellar (really, when is my commentary any good anyway?) you're going to have to deal with quantity over quality today.

Nancy

Nice try, Nancy, but I know full well that the strips are done days, if not weeks, in advance! You obviously don't, you curly-haired charlatan!

New Adventures of Queen Victoria

You'd think an English monarch would be less accepting of Thanksgiving. I mean, the pilgrims left because of English persecution, after all. I don't know.

Non Sequitur

I guess this is a joke about not being a turkey on Thanksgiving. We've only had three. Four, if you count that weird Momma one.

Off the Mark

Sort of clever, in a stupid way.

On a Claire Day

This comic teaches us that you are your own harshest critic.

Overboard

This one teaches us that we can trick mice if we really need to. Also that mice want to kill us, and should be tricked whenever possible.

PC and Pixel

This one teaches us that kids today still think jokes equating turkey the bird to Turkey the country. Or at least comic strip writers do.

Pickles

This strip teaches us that you can split sweatpants, which makes sense, since they have seams like all other pants.

Rip Haywire

This comic strip teaches us that triple amputees can make everything either more depressing or heartwarming depending on how they're being treated.

Rose is Rose

This comic teaches us that omitting things are not a sin, and that message is angel-approved.

Tiny Sepuku

This comic teaches me that I am more than qualified to try my hand at comic-stripping again, as per the last panel. And that's making comics, not stripping comedically. Thank god.

Bound and Gagged

This comic strip teaches us that Native Americans were quite white, actually, and wanted to have sex with pilgrims (especially if the Native American in question was named Lunch). Speaking of, seven strips about the first Thanksgiving.

Gasoline Alley

This strip teaches us that no one does classy Thanksgiving messages like Gasoline Alley. Also, look, seagulls!

Housebroken

This strip taught me that I forgot to upload these to the proper folder. This teaches you that I will not go back and fix my mistake if it promises to take more than half an hour.

Loose Parts

This strip teaches us that chickens have no idea what Thanksgiving is, and that turkeys will take you with them by any means possible. Oh, and either four or five comics where the joke is "Being a turkey on Thanksgiving sucks!"

Pluggers

This strip teaches us that Pluggers will always back the armed forces. Oh, and what the heck? Every other strip just goes to show us that the life of a Plugger sucks. They have nothing to be thankful for!

Sylvia

This strip... oh god... not this strip. This strip is my least favorite strip. I hate no strip more than this strip, and it is the strip I have alluded to many times before. I regret having to put it here today, but I am being thorough with this. So this strip teaches you what the strip I hate most is, and that I will try to do a good job even when it hurts me. And having to read this strip hurts me oh so much. I shall trek on!

Wizard of Id

This strip teaches us that being a prisoner really sucks.

Working Daze

This joke teaches us that it was funnier when Homer Simpson did it with his lobster pet and forced his family to watch him eat the whole thing.

Red and Rover

This strip teaches us that Rover is oblivious to everything else when Red's mom is cooking turkey. Either that, or he has unrequited love for Red's mom, which is very creepy.

Yenny

This strip teaches us that the Sebazcos are jerks.

Zack Hill

This strip teaches us absolutely nothing, but is the fifth (or sixth) comic which features the joke "Being a turkey sucks!" It's also the last strip!

Final tallies:
Being a turkey sucks: Five (or six) jokes
Jokes about the first Thanksgiving: Seven

2 comments:

Sparky November 27, 2009 at 8:46 AM  

WOW! Talk about working your ass off for DCR! Good job. You need to be paid for this considering the HOURS that had to take.


'Pickles' has been running sweatpant jokes all week. Thankfully Earl split his sweatpants and this running gag is put to rest.

'Momma' is at a meat shop and a live turkey is in there. I think the Board of Health would shut that place down so fast it would make your head swim. Imagine a living turkey walking around and getting feathers and shit all over the pork chops and split chicken breasts?

xy November 27, 2009 at 3:54 PM  

wow. you are one crazy mofo.

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All editorial matter on this blog is copyright 2008 Bryce Baker and may not be reproduced without permission. All Rights Reserved. All images of comic strip art are copyright by their respective copyright holders except those in public domain. If you are the copyright holder of an image displayed on this blog and would like a specific copyright displayed, or believe the display transcends fair use, please contact me.

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