The Last Saturday of the Rest of Our Lives

Oh, hello there. I didn't see you come in. What's a nice internet surfer like you doing in a place like this? Don't you know that there are several places that do the same thing, only better? Well, since you're here I guess you could read about the week's dumbest comics:


Shoe 2/26/09

Really? Not even your bones? Wow, that must really suck to have floppy bones.

But seriously, impotence jokes in a syndicated comic strip? I had no idea they could get away with that. Although, since no one reads Shoe there won't be any complaints.


Hi and Lois 2/26/09

What happened between panel one and panel two? In panel one, there is a door behind Lois. IN panel two, the door is gone. Is Hi and Lois set in some alternate dimension where doors appear and dissappear at random?

Crankshaft 2/26/09

I don't understand why anyone would think that would work. We must be watching what happens to Alzheimer patients that go undiagnosed and/or unsupervised. I almost feel bad for Crankshaft's family.

Almost.

Frank & Ernest 2/24/09

So version 2.0 is Eve, right? Would she really be version 2.0? That could imply that there were version between Adam and Eve, like version 1.2 or 1.6. What would those have looked like? I bet version 1.5 is a she-male. I can't believe they left that out of the Bible.


The return of Webcomic of the Week has been delayed due to various things. Mostly me being lazy and also because I have a life outside the internet nowadays.

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Is Dick Tracy's Real Name Richard?

Did you know you can now become a DCR follower? At the very bottom of our page you can see who is following us and also join their illustrious ranks. February has one more day remaining so there will be a new poll up next week where you can vote on the worst comic of the month - EXCITING! And last but not least my monthly plea for more writers! Do you read comics and think you might have something additional to contribute to the DCR? I am always looking to reduce the ammount of work I do on a day to day basis and even with my already amazing staff I am always looking to expand. Drop us an email - dailycomicsreview @ gmail.com

Dinosaur Comics 2/27/09

Thank you Ryan North! I promise right now I will NEVER use the verb sited in the above comic. Yes, we are now on twitter, and I have been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to promise to never use that stupid fake word; it looks like T-Rex has saved me again.


Dick Tracy 2/27/09

So instead of calling 911, Dick stands idly by and watches some horribly named villain-of-the-week burn to death inside her car while he blabs on and on about his car. Is Toyota sponsoring the strip now or something? Hybrids still burn you moron, and decent human beings don't just watch people turn in to ashes.


Cow and Boy 2/27/09

Unless you have been follow C&B all week you will have no idea what is going on here. I have been reading this strip and even still I have no idea what is going on. That's the beauty of Cow and Boy.


Momma 2/27/09

I know deep inside the joke here is about Momma's natural impulse to squash any happiness from her children's lives the moment it arises, but on the surface it's just about gay incest.

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Thursday Night Fashion Review, now with 20% less Fashion Review

This week has been crazy in Library Land. The Kindle 2 has dropped and now people have been going buckwild about it. Lots of Libraries are buying them up or at least the ones who still have money. I still don't trust it. I'm usually not a Luddite type person, I enjoy technology and worship at its feet most of the time but I like books. I like the smelly paper, and the books with the weird edges that stick out. Sure they kill trees, but who cares? I hate trees, they're sappy and they think they're better than the bushes. And I'm sure Kindles have that metal in them that you can only get from the Congo, where people are used like slaves to go mine it out. I don't know if that's true, don't sue me Amazon.

Anyway, onto the comics, which I read online, like a hypocrite.

Mallard Filmore 2/23/2009

I don't like Mallard Filmore, partly because he looks like a Daffy Duck Doppelganger (read: ripoff) and mostly because the comic has a conservative slant. Unlike our President I don't pretend to be bi-partisan, I openly dislike conservatives especially those who lounge around in Hawaiian shirts. You are not Hunter S. Thomson my large billed friend, so you do not get to make pithy comments about our crazy culture while wearing a Hawaiian shirt. And might I add the term "Philistine" while a derivative from Biblical reference actually translates as "Palestine" today. The Arabic for Palestine is pronounced like we say "Philistine". Philistines were people who lived in Palestine, therefore Mallard Filmore is a racist. Thank you, good night!

Crock 2/19/2009
You decide what this comic means:

1. The soldiers have been walking in the desert for so long that they're seeing complete bedroom set mirages.

2. The writer has checked out mentally, stopped trying to make jokes funny and is now just reaching for anything that his Gin and Tonic addled brain interprets as humor.

3. Spooning in the desert with your fellow soldiers is just one of the many perks of the Armed Service. But since gheyness isn't allowed in the Military, you can have all the hot gay sex you want and not be gay! God Bless America! I'm going to assume these people are Americans or this joke won't be as funny. Where is my Gin and Tonic...


Shoe 2/23/2009Birds don't have body hair, they have feathers. And when birds lose their feathers its called molting and it usually a bad thing if they all disappear. But I guess Birds don't wear clothes, though the birds in Shoe do. Except for Shoe who refuses to wear clothes and just smokes a cigar all day complaining about his hundreds of ex-wives. And if I can get on my Femi-Nazi soapbox here for a minute, who decides what hair is superfluous? What's wrong with your body hair lady? You grew it, it can't be that bad? Plus you're a bird, all hair is superfluous on you including that ratty looking wig on your head.


Wizard of Id 2/24/2009
Speaking of Superfluous body hair, what the hell is that being supposed to be? Why is his entire torso covered with long hair? I don't know if I've discussed this monstrosity before but come on, why is the prisoner wearing a bag made out of hair? The prisons in this country are worse than the ones in Iraq, at least the bags they made them wear weren't made out of their fellow prisoner's body hair. OR maybe the prison is actually a Factory Farm for the people who grow long luxurious hair on their torsos. The hair that those Bird Wigs are made out of...


Garfield 2/26/2009

There is a joke about cunnilingus in here somewhere but I want to leave this week on a classy note. Though I will point out that KFC has a new item called the Snackbox, and now every time you hear a commercial for it you will think of this cartoon and Jon's face.

Good Night y'all!

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We Go Live to the Scene for this Breaking News

Another Thursday is here and I get to shoot some news your way. I almost called off doing anything today because where I live is getting shit on. With snow. Lots of snow. Anyway, here you go.


From 2/23/09:
Another Garfield Comic
Garfield has spawned a single panel spin-off. It shouldn't be much of a strech for Jim Davis since he hardly ever uses more than one panel anyway.


From 2/23/09:
Another controversy about cartoons
Some guy sold his cartoon to the NY Times and they edited it. I can't say I blame them for editing it, what with all the commotion over the monkey from last week. Also, this cartoon has Hugo Chavez of Venazuela giving the finger and you don't usually see that gesture in the paper.


From 2/26/09:
The Phantom in all his glory
Hermes press is going to publish several volumes collecting the complete Phantom series. The Sunday edition gets it's own volume because of the continuity differences. It's nice to see that the roots of comic strips aren't forgetten yet. Phantom has been printed since 1936. The crazy thing is that it doesn't totally suck like Alley Oop or the other "legacy" strips.

That's all for this week. As always The Daily Cartoonist finds all this stuff for me to bring to you.

Good night and remember to eat your Wheaties.

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The Comics Hug and Love-Fest?

I'd like to wish a happy 36th birthday to Chris Baldwin, creator of the web comic Little Dee! I started reading this strip when it was on comics.com during his development deal with them but now it can only be found on his website. I've never critiqued the strip here because it is so regularly good, with a somewhat continuous storyline and memorable characters. Keep up the good work Chris, I love reading it every day. And sorry for all the butt-kissing in today's post, I guess I'm just feeling generous?

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 2/25/09

Look, I understand people are pissed about this whole bank bail-out situation but here is the thing: it makes for shitty comedy. Almost every comic strip has made light of what has happened with the TARP funds but like everything else have to do with banks it is god damn boring. Also the whole clipboard/little kid talking politics is way too similar to Calvin and Hobbes. Edison is a scientist, that is his shtick. There is more than enough politics on the comics page to begin with.


Eek! 2/25/09

Ugh might be a better strip name. If you want some serious vampire humor you should check out www.vampirenerd.com.


The Better Half 2/25/09

Apparently you can use the phrase "lubricates your insides" on the funny pages, it just depends on the context. You learn something new every day.


Barkeater Lake 2/25/09

Corey Pandolph is the hardest working cartoonist in the business. He has 3 comic strips, all of which I enjoy. He does Barkeater Lake, Toby - Robot Satan, and The Elderberries. The fantastic thing about each of his works is that they maintain their own bizarre realities better than most tv series. While some might think him some sort of super-human for being able to maintain 3 different strips at the same time, he was actually born with a fully functional third arm, allowing previously unheard of comic creating abilities, and making him a freak in the sack.

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The Keanes Bid Goodbye to Jeffy

Family Circus 2/24/09

What at first seems a charming panel is quickly turned in to a cartoonist's nightmare! With all the news of salmonella (which strangely has nothing to do with salmon) contaminated peanut butter, Jeffy finally found a way out of this already spiritually dead comic strip. The only logical reason he would be needing more is because he wants to make sure the job gets done. Don't leave anything to chance, you brave young soul!


Henry 2/24/09

There goes Henry, playing with himself in the tub again.


Pearls Before Swine 2/24/09

As much as I love PBS, I can't say I'm happy about the latest string of Yiddish jokes. Sure they are hilarious, but it's only a matter of time until we see yet another comics review blog pop up, probably called something like Yiddish Comics Retsenzye.

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The New Daily Comics Review

This weekend I started a major overhaul of this humble little website we call home. Most everything is done now from a structural standpoint and we will be filling in content as the week goes along. Keep your eyes peeled for an actual top banner to make the site look even better! For all our feed subscribers and regular readers we would love to hear what you think, so drop us an email or leave a comment, we'd really appreciate it!

Beetle Bailey 2/23/09

I've never worked in a pizza place, but never the less I am 99% sure ordering a pie 5 minutes before closing is the second best way to have your food tampered with next to not tipping.


The Lockhorns 2/23/09

Might have to check this with Stella, but I thought appletinis were a pretty gay drink. Maybe this could explain why Leroy has never really seemed to be happy in this current relationship.


Ben 2/23/09

"But if you try sometimes you just might find... lots and lots of internet porn."


It's All About You 2/23/09

Anything you can do to make fun of Twitter in a sexual way is fine by me! Please notice, we're on the Twitter now if you swing that way. It's about the worst thing I've ever seen, but you gotta keep up with the kids now-a-days. Twitter.com/theDCR


Wee Pals 2/23/09

Wait it's an astronaut handbook? How did I miss that part?!? Suddenly it makes sense why it is so popular. UGH bible jokes are usually provided by B.C., thanks Wee Pals?

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Sunday February 22nd

Alley Oop:



A big fat placeholder. At least he's dressed. Wait, why is he dressed? Why does that matter?

And OMFG STFU about those MF dino pix!!!!!!!! The doc sent them all, that's the only reason he thinks they're great.

Andy Capp:



Ha, women like to eat!

I read the bottom half and assumed he was talking about women at a clothing sale. Because most fictional women are on diets, but once you're married, well, your man can never leave you, so screw your figure!

Look, I'm a girl, I like to eat, fuck diets in the ear with a rusty awl and all that, but usually it's the men in my life who act like that. And then re-enact the Blazing Saddles campfire scene, no matter what was served.

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You Please to Read Now and Laugh Enjoyably

Ah, another happy Saturday. My life is overwhelmed by schoolwork, but I'll still take 10 minutes to bring you the Saturday Comics Review.

Frank & Earnest 2/17/09Ah yes, the pun. Comic strips best friend. Where would we be without the pun? Well, we might have some comic strips that actually try to make a joke.


Dinosaur Comics 2/19/09
Most. Awesome. Comic. Ever.

Please leave a comment if you have ever done anything that could possibly be described as "The Happy Swamping."


Frazz 2/18/09
Wait, they have instructions on Whoopie cushions? Why? Who doesn't know how to use one? I wonder how they read...

"Put lips that belong to you on the opening and blow to inflate Whoopie cushion. Insert onto chair of your choosing for to sit on and cause laughing upon making of the Whoopie cushion noise. Please enjoy Whoopie Cushion responsibly. Special Note: do not put Whoopie cushion on floor or we will find you and eat your dog."


Keen observers may have noticed that Webcomic of the Week has been absent the past few weeks. This is because I have little time. With any luck it shall return in the coming weeks.

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Fan-Freakin-Tastic Friday Comics Review

Well if you're only going to get two updates from me in a week, one of them better be damn good! Can you tell that I had to restrain myself from putting a swear word in the post title? I'm trying to make this place a little more professional god damn it.

Dick Tracy 2/20/09

In what law enforcement code of conduct handbook would this scenario ever be allowed. "If you know a criminal will be returning to a crime scene, quietly wait without any backup until they arrive. When they enter, spray them in the eyes with whatever the victim has available. If they try to flee immediately apprehend them, unless of course they are trying to escape with the use of a vehicle. In the case of vehicular fleeing, follow behind the car until it crashes. Blame any collateral damage on the chief."


Get Fuzzy 2/19/09

Great, now I've get to get to the lawyers office and update my Will.


Luann 2/19/09

"Guys I just met the President! He said I could be a senator some day! Yeah that was it, I had to cut him off cuz I had a turtle head poking out." That's the kind of story you can tell your grandchildren some day.


Henry 2/19/09

So Henry farts down the railing, farts all through out the house on his way outside, then farts all over the snowman this little kid is trying to build. Am I wrong or is Henry kind of a dick?


Pluggers 2/19/09

Wow, yesterday was a plethora of butt/poo related jokes. Must be something about Thursdays.


Arctic Circle 2/20/09

You may notice I cut this strip down to just two panels from it's original four. That's because it is WAY funnier this way. If you don't already know about pitching tents, do us all a favor and check it out on urban dictionary or something.


Judge Parker 2/19/09

The original

And my own little improvement on the strip. JP is somehow totally insulated from the terrible economic times every one else on earth is going through. Next week they're going to buy a yacht and a new full size house... for their dog.


The Amazing Spider-Man 2/20/09

"We need a real super hero, like The Tow-truck Guy!" Only New Yorkers think it's a hero's responsibility to save them from their own shitty driving. Next week Peter will walk right by some guy in a suit and he'll be all like "Some hero, couldn't even stop me from losing my life savings to that damn African prince."


Scott Meets the Family Circus 2/18/09

I don't usually repost other bloggers work, but SMFC only updates sporadically and is so disarmingly funny I can't help but share it.

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Thursday Night and the Mood is Right, for Comics Fashion!

Ah yes, another Thursday is upon us and so is another Cartoon Fashion Review. This particular review will be kind of on the short side because I am like, OMG BUSY!!, but I will mire through as will we all. In this segment, I make a segue between the hilarious webcomic Overcompensating and the hilarious website hotchickswithdouchebags.com. See how I do it below!


Bound and Gagged

This Gentleman will have a lot of explaining to do.

Good news is that Dumb Donald won't get the death penalty. Bad news is its because he's retarded. Unless of course he's in Texas where they put retards in the chair just for fun.

The Grizzwells

I'm going to admit something to you, dear internet. Sometimes I don't understand why Bossman Bryce gives me the comics that he does. These animals aren't wearing clothes, unless that bear is actually John Goodman in a raggidy fur coat. Or, dear god, a furry. However, I refuse to acknowledge that Furries actually exist outside of the lore of the internet and I will hold onto that denial until a time comes where I am forced to concede. And let me tell you, I have a garden hose with very uncomfortable water pressure for any Furries I catch yiffing on my front lawn.


Watch your Head

Maybe you don't get it, weird comic book geek in a cape, maybe the softball jersey didn't tip you off. She's a L-E-S-B-I-A-N. A Daughter of Bilitis. A Sapphic Sodomite. A Friend of Ellen. She likes to "put her mouth" on "Vaginas". It ain't gonna happen man. She's not going to get down with anybody who can't get into the Michigan Women's Music Festival, just let it go. Oh yeah and I hate to break it to you before I go but Wonder Woman's a dyke too.

Overcompensating, 02/17/2009
There are very few things I hate in this world more that frat douches. VERY LITTLE. I would harbor a known serial killer in my basement before I would jump start a frat douche's car, even if he was lost in the desert, miles away from a dance club, parched from not having a drop of Grey Goose cross his lips in 5 days, his orange tan fading before my eyes. I would laugh bitterly in his face and keep driving on to go pick up the bags of lye and the shovel that my friend in the basement had asked me to bring home. One of the many signs of doucheatude, and there are many, is illustrated here by the Brilliant Jeffery Rowland. The sideways hat.

Why? Seriously, why? I haven't seen too many of them completely sideways in a while but more like cocked to the right in an un-comely manner. Usually this is accompanied with a popped collar and a fistful of Rohypnol. Personally I hope this trend doesn't go away because it helps me pick out people to hate without going through the abortive labor of talking to them.

Douche-spotting is best done if you become thoroughly trained in the art. I personally recommend visiting the Center for Advanced Douchetagging, www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

Soon you'll be able to spot douches like this...

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/05/snoop-dog.html

Or, god help you, this...

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/06/wheatstalks-ii.html

Prepare yourself for the horrors.

G'night Y'all!

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It's Time for Our Newsbreak, so I'm going for some coffee. Tom?

Thursday again already? Wow, that was fast. I almost forgot about my obligation today, but have remembered just in time. Good thing too since there is some interesting stories this week.

From 2/18/09:
A possibly racist cartoon
Some guy named Sean Delonas made a cartoon about a monkey getting shot and the stimulus bill. It seems some people think that he was being more than cute by having two white police officers shoot a monkey. They say that it portrays the President as being the same as a monkey or some such nonsense. I don't know and I don't care, it's just a cartoon, why is it inspiring such charges? I thought we were in Post-racial America, what happened to that idea?


From 2/19/09:
Planet Karen is on FIRE
Apparently there is a popular webcomic called Planet Karen. Well, it's creator's house just burned down, killing an upstairs neighbor. That sucks for her and I hope she is back on her feet soon. If you want to donate for her recovery there are links on the Daily Cartoonist page.

As always the Daily Cartoonist does all the hard work for me.

That's all this week, join us next week when there will be some more interesting news. I hope.

Good night and try not to wake up on fire.

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It's almost like we have a little community, except we're all shut-ins

Comic blogs seem to be popping up like dandelions in springtime and XY brought to my attention an excellent new addition. Better Zits takes the Zits comic strip by Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman and rewrites the punchlines to create an even better strip. Check em out and let them know what you think!

Boy on a Stick and Slither 2/18/09

This is the first time I have ever considered using an entire comic strip as the new header for our site and designing our colors/layout around it. I just know we don't have enough money to pay Steven Cloud for it. BOASAS recently went independent from comics.com and now is on their own site in the new and larger format, which so far looks to be a move in the right direction.

Funky Winkerbean 2/18/09

The restraints and standards of a public newspaper do not allow full freedom of speech, so sometimes artists replace swear words with random characters to get the idea across. As a regular new feature we will be restoring the dialog of these strip to as close as we can guess for what the artist would have wrote if given the chance. The replacements have been numbered for ease of understanding. 1:shits, 2:dicks, 3:scrotums, 4:fucks.


Lola 2/18/09

The punchline in this comic strip is that an old lady can see a giant's ball sack. What has happened to comics in this day and age?


Mark Trail 2/17/09

Bucky is the biggest pussy deer in the whole world. He fell down after a bullet glanced by him and didn't even draw blood. Wont somebody kidnap Mark and put him on a freighter again? Now that was exciting!

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