Serious problems

Yesterday Ed Power (writer of My Cage) left a comment! He seems to be a stand-up sort of guy, and I'm glad I have only good things to say about his strip. Now, if Stan Lee ever found me out, there may be trouble...

Hi and Lois, 7/31/09

I doubt any teenage boy would know what "voluptuous" means, let alone use it in a sentence. Furthermore, we can see some of those clouds. If they all look like voluptuous women to that kid, then he really has some seriously deep problems.

Zits, 7/31/09

Jeremy Duncan joins the ranks of cannibalistic comic strip characters, and Zits isn't even a zombie strip.

Eek!, 7/31/09

What, exactly, is she telling Frankenstein's monster to do himself? The list of things one can do with a severed hand is very short. Unless this is some sort of allusion to masturbation, in which case... what the hell, Eek? Do you want your audience to be Universal Monster fetishists and borderline necrophiliacs?

Neurotica, 7/31/09

Uh, just because you bought them doesn't mean that you'll get them any faster. All he has to do is walk to the library and retrieve his book, and he'll be reading it by dinner-time. Not to mention the fact that he's getting his book for free, and when he goes back to the library, he can get another book for free. Also, if you're buying books that fast, you've got a serious problem.

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Shorter than usual

Fairly short today, folks. Sometimes the funnies just aren't that funny to mock.

Better Half, 7/30/09

The best way to spice up a marriage is cannibalism, and I suppose that the best spice for cannibalism is just barbecuing human flesh. On a side note, did you know that this couple's last name is Parker? That's three comic strips with protagonists with the surname Parker. (The other two are Peter and Mary Jane Parker from Spider-Man and the Parkers from Judge Parker. You can find commentary for both of them at the Meekrat Entertainment Group, amazingly enough.)

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/30/09

Look at that thing in the background, behind the jerky looking guy in the "Wash U" shirt. What is that thing supposed to be? It looks sort of like a castle, or perhaps the front of a building, but there's nothing beyond the door. Is it just some sort of elaborate arch, out in the middle of nothing? Why even put something like that in the strip? They could have just left it out and put another tree there, and there'd be no cause for this confusion. Also, watch out for Speed Racer. He's a demon, and he's going to be chasing after SOMEONE.

Tina's Groove, 7/30/09

If he was Amish, he wouldn't be dating you. I'm pretty sure they have rules against Amish people establishing romantic relationships with those who aren't Amish. Unless he's going through that thing that some Amish people go through where they live outside the Amish community for a little while, in which case that guy's pretty far gone and I don't think he'll be going back. In which case, he's not Amish anymore, but formerly Amish. Yes, I am lacking content and things to say about the strips I picked out, so I am stretching these commentaries out as far as I can.

My Cage, 7/30/09

Is that something you can actually get for your phone? The outgoing ring-tone thing? If it is, I have a new goal for what I want to get with my next phone.

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And Now I Can Resume

Those of you that follow me on twitter may have already guessed what has happened. Basically my computer was trying to commit suicide. Not being able to afford a new computer I had to talk it down from the ledge. And after several days I was finally able to get up and running in smooth fashion again.

I do apologize for the missed days as there were some quite a few comics that could have been eviscerated. You shall receive a larger than average post today, enjoy.

Beetle Bailey 7/29/09

What? What comes in a box that small? Jewelry? What a gold-digging whore.

But really, what the hell is that? It looks like any eye patch, but I think it's supposed to be a thong.

Also, Killer is either having a stroke or an orgasm. Let's hope it's a stoke so he'll die and we won't have to see him ever again.



Baldo 7/29/09

Shame is not a sin. Not when it involves an old man in a speedo. I think he should be farther away.



Gil Thorp 7/29/09

Taking a cue from Mark Trail, Gil Thorp has decided that the villain of the current storyline should look appropriately evil by adding facial hair in the form of a horrifying goatee.



Bound and Gagged 7/29/09

Because I have my very own wake-up cock.

Also, hotels don't let you bring livestock to your room. Not even one that is hosting a farmers convention.

Also also, is this supposed to be a half-assed attempt at a joke about Comic-Con?



The Boiling Point 7/29/09

Why is that woman bleeding? She shouldn't be bleeding all over like that from water-boarding.

Also, is there such a thing as a strawberry-scented douche? Because that would be more hilarious than The Boiling Point could ever hope to be.



Ferd'nand 7/29/09

What kind of shitty paper-shack does Ferd'nand live in? Unless he is using a railroad spike, there is no way the nail should stick that far out the other side of the wall.



Committed 7/29/09

I don't get it. Maybe because Independence Day the holiday was weeks ago and Independence Day the movie was more than a decade ago.

Hint: If you're going to do movie jokes, make sure it's a movie that is less than 5 years old and/or was extremely memorable.

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Come one, come all!

Watch in awe and amazement as I start off coherently remarking upon comic strips, gradually slipping into incoherent babble and stream-of-consciousness, ending with the flourish of imagining that a comic strip was written to personally slight me! Oh, it shall be great fun for all*!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/24/09

If you have all your teeth and a full head of hair, you too can travel to Appalachia and have your pick of any woman there. In fact, from this strip, it looks like that guy won't have to pick. He can have them all, if he so chose, perhaps at once. The parson is understandably upset by this.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/24/09

Cindy Summers will undoubtedly die in Iraq. Either that, or she'll be captured by a terrorist cell and then fashion for herself a suit of technologically advanced armor which she shall use to save her own life and fight for the greater good.

Oh, wait, this is Funky Winkerbean. She's going to die. She is so going to die.

Retail, 7/24/09

Oh god. My job involves a folding board, and the stupid thing is basically useless because, unless you do it exactly right, it causes every shirt to become just a bit unfolded when you're done using it. Furthermore, 98% of the time the customers will just come in and mess up all the shirts anyway. So the folding board is useless, except maybe as an exceptionally shoddy weapon. What I'm saying is that Val should totally smack that guy with the folding board.

Last Kiss, 7/24/09

If the snake was radioactive, wouldn't it be just about dead too? Or perhaps the radioactivity just gave it the power to speak with Lucille Ball. Which, I'm guessing, is not a super-power a snake would want to have.

Mike Luckovich, 7/24/09

This is just in poor taste, as the man hasn't been dead for even a month yet. Also, that guy in the back of the group... he looks like Bert from "Sesame Street".

New Adventures of Queen Victoria, 7/24/09

You know, this would make a heck of a lot more sense if they hadn't just ellipsed out of initial statement. I have no idea who the heck the person in the third panel is supposed to be. Heck, I don't even know who the person who is not Queen Victoria is supposed to be. I might if I actually read this strip more than twice a week, but with shenanigans like this being pulled, I'm not really interested in doing that.

EDIT: An anonymous commentor says that it's Oscar Wilde. Now that the mystery has been cleared up, the strip makes marginally more sense. So thank you, anonymous commentor.

Tiny Sepuku, 7/24/09

I was nice to you last week, and then you have to go and do a thing like this. That hurts, Tiny Sepuku. That really hurts.

*This might be a lie. For more semi-coherent babble, go to the Meekrat Entertainment Group.

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Back with a FUNgeance

It's my turn again, and I'm back with a FUNgeance! It's like a vengeance, only fun. You know what else is fun? The Meekrat Entertainment Group. Now that my clumsy self-promotion is out of the way, let's mildly poke fun at comic strips. And, in some cases, endlessly nit-pick! FUNgeance indeed!

Annie, 7/23/09

I just wanted to say that "Little Orphan Annie" continues to be a far stranger comic strip than I ever imagined. I wish they'd put some of this weirdness in the musical rather than have her running around singing about tomorrow and whatnot. That would be a pretty neat musical.

Brainwaves, 7/23/09

The reason is that he was a prince and she was forced to do manual labor for her wicked stepmother, which did not involve her leaving the house or, really, anything that would allow her to meet the prince beforehand. Also, maybe he was inbred.

Eek, 7/23/09

That woman has no social graces at all. If you're dining with a potato, you don't order potato-based meals. I bet if she was having lunch with a cow or dinner with a chicken, she'd order veal and eggs, because she probably also likes eating the young of all species. Including human babies.

Maintaining, 7/23/09

Apparently, this strip's days are numbered. While I'm sorry that the cartoonist will be out of a job, I'm not that sorry because this strip annoys the heck out of me. Still, hope he finds work elsewhere. Also, this strip annoys me far less than "Mallard Fillmore", "Prickly City", and "The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee", and the art in this one is far better than all of those (except, arguably, "Edison Lee") so why do those get to stay while this one bites the dust? The comics page... it's totally unfair. There is another strip I hate far worse than all of those, which I refuse to even say the name of. Oh god, it is a terrible terrible strip. So, yeah, good luck with your future endeavors, Nate Creekmore. Your strip annoyed me, but it certainly didn't deserve to die.

Scary Gary, 7/23/09

So they're insinuating (or flat-out telling us) that Frankenstein's Monster is a homosexual? He has a bride, you know... though this could allow for a modern re-imagining of the character where he's shunned both for his monstrous appearance and sexual preference, most likely in a overtly religious town. This would also add subtext to the flaming windmill imagery.

Shoe, 7/23/09

Yeah, let's use a decades-old TV show as a punchline. I realize that they had that movie a year or so ago, but still... just because something was culturally relevant once doesn't mean it still is.

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The Government Still Demands You To Read This

Today you get something a little different than what I usually offer. Instead of going off on tangents and spewing some garbage that I don't even understand, I'm going to offer different lines to the comics. While not original, it is different from my usual fare. Enjoy.

Also, the comments for yesterday were great. Why not leave some more. You could even request something or voice concern about what we're doing. We want to be better and we can't do it without your help.


Bizzaro 7/22/09

"The problem with having sex with the same person more than twice."



Loose Parts 7/22/09

"Get a real job."


Another good one:

"I had sex with your wife."




The Flying McCoys 7/22/09

"Wait here, I'm going to go rape that man/lion."

"What? Look at him. He's asking for it."



Bottomliners 7/22/09

"Has anyone else noticed that the boardroom is being swallowed by the void?"



The Duplex 7/22/09

"How did this roof get so smooth? And why is it painted pink?"



Bound and Gagged 7/22/09

"My HMO didn't know how to treat my gigantism so he cut off half my arms and put bolts in my neck."



Animal Crackers 7/22/09

"Do you mind if I use your eyes as my bait?"



9 to 5 7/22/09

"I need more convincing acting when you fake your orgasms."

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The Government Says You Have To Read This

Apparently you didn't heed my request to tell me about married life with a comment. Today my request is much simpler.


New Adventures of Queen Victoria 7/21/09

Apparently this week is 'Bash Dane Cook Week' at NAQV. While I agree that he's a tad overrated, comparing him to what passes for SNL these days just isn't fair. And yesterday they said Garfield was funnier. Listen, a bag of sand on your balls is funnier has more wit and hilarity than Garfield and Dane is clearly better than a bag of sand on your balls.

Also, some of Dane's movies are not entirely horrible. The same cannot be said of the Garfield movies.


The Middletons 7/21/09

If you think the government is controlling the auto companies here are few things you need to do right now:
1. Groom yourself. Because you're most likely the type of person that thinks the government is watching you through the mirror. Guess what? They aren't. They don't care about you so go take a damn shower.

2. Find a job. Because you think that by working and paying taxes the government will chemically sterilize you in your sleep. Guess what? They can't do that and they don't want to. Besides, your chances of reproducing are slim to none anyway.

3. Finish your GED. Because you never finished high school because you didn't want the 'Man' to tell you what to do. Guess what? The only thing the 'Man' is interested in is how to make more money. Seeing as you have no skills because you didn't finish high school, he doesn't even know you exist. And even if you had your diploma, you're so stupid that the 'Man' wouldn't want anything to do with you.


Sorry about all that. Things got away from a little bit.



C'est La Vie 7/21/09

Um...ok. That works for me. Although it is odd that a woman thinks that a man can't possibly be friends with another woman just because she has ginormous juggs. Men think women can be friends with other men that have huge trouser snakes. Although a large member isn't as obvious as large breasts.

God I love to type that.

Breasts. It just feels to good when you type it. Why don't you try it right now?

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I Wish I Had Rap

So, back again. Can't say I blame you. The internet can be pretty boring sometimes. Lucky for you, I have just the thing to cure that boredom, at least for a couple of seconds. Maybe more if you have strong political views and/or are married.

Crankshaft 7/20/09

I don't understand, when did the Old Man get admitted to the nursing home? Wasn't he just driving an ice cream truck around?

Also, is there some significance to the middle panel? I hate when comic strips just dump things on you with no explanation.



State of the Union 7/20/09

I have a better idea, why don't we send them to live with Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld and all the rest? They clearly wanted to have a war, we should let them deal with the consequences.

Well, maybe not Cheney. That would be a violation of the Geneva Convention.

Also, the caricature of W is way more hilarious than the Obama one. Obama at least kind of looks like that. I'm pretty sure W's jaw is not that huge.



Jump Start 7/20/09

I'm not a married person so this just confuses me. I thought that you didn't need 'rap' after you got married. It's not like you need to impress the other person anymore, they already think you're pretty awesome, I mean they did marry you. I thought the whole point of marriage was so that you didn't need to do all the dumb things that dating requires and get down to reproducing.

I know for a fact that some readers are married, do you really need to have 'game' or 'rap' after you get married?



Arlo & Janis 7/20/09

The screams of orgasm should have been the first clue.

Of course, Arlo wouldn't recognize those sounds, having never given anyone other than himself an orgasm.

And his always end with him crying in the corner.

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Saturday is for Fun

Hey you. Want to read something funny? Well then feast your hungry eyes upon my glory and rejoice, for you are saved from internet boredom!


Gil Thorp 7/15/09

Really? Gil Thorp, a man that destroys all he touches, can't think of anyone that he's angered? I find that hard to believe. He must really be hitting it hard to forget all the people that he's hurt over the years. There must be hundreds of families that would love to see Gil in a pine box.



Cathy 7/15/09

Can I just say that Cathy really needs to cut down on the volume of words it uses. At the current rate of consumption, we will run out of words by the year 2021. Most of the waste can be attributed to horrible comic strips like Cathy and people who blog about ridiculous conspiracies. Considering we have no viable alternative to words, conservation is our only choice. Comic strip syndicates, here my plea: cancel Cathy now and help preserve our precious words.



Compu-Toon 7/17/09

Is this supposed to be funny or sad?

It makes me kind of horny.



Ginger Meggs 7/17/09

Um...yeah. Didn't NYPD Blue end years ago? Also, video games do not encourage violence. If they did, I would have killed thousands of people by now. Literally, thousands.

I do like the extra note. Point-and-click indeed.

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Not Funny So Much as Hateful

In my current addled state, I logged on today with the intention of finding comic strips to lightly lambaste. Imagine my surprise when I found out I had already chosen some last night or something. There's only three of them, which bothers me, but then again, three is better than nothing.

Maintaining, 7/17/09

I can't forget that stupid term, and you know what, Maintaining? I looked it up on Wikipedia, and it says that it's a pejorative term. So, really, you shouldn't be flinging it around like this. As for Caucafrican, well, that's just a stupid made-up term. Stupid comic strip.

Frog Applause, 7/17/09

Now we revisit the theme of canine abuse. I really have nothing to say about this strip, it just ticks me off that Frog Applause thinks it can do something like this...

Wait, I just looked at the URL they provided. I guess... I guess they're not trying to be funny but raise awareness? If that's the case, then good job, Frog Applause. I could just delete all this but these posts tend to look better if they're bulky.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, 7/17/09

I really hate this comic strip, and I hate even more that it's been around for a thousand strips. It's a typical boy genius thing, except where "Dexter's Laboratory" just had the titular boy genius running around doing science, this strip also has him running around being political. Now, I get that some strips just exist to be political, like Prickly City and Mallard Fillmore, but you know what? I hate those strips too. Edison Lee, though, wastes the whole boy genius premise in favor of making jokes about the president and taxes and stuff like that. So, anyway, 1000 strips is far too long for this atrocity to roam the comics pages. I hope it doesn't last another hundred, let alone another thousand.

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