Plenty of Tongue

It's the last day of September. Only 86 more days 'till Christmas! Better start shopping now or you'll never get done.


The Boiling Point 9/30/09

Why is he shitting in the woods? Is he the Pope or something?



Bozo 9/30/09

This is one of subtlest jokes I've seen. I think most people that aren't English majors will miss it.



The Last Kiss 9/30/09

The last panel was subtle, but this one shouts the joke at you.

That's one reason I like The Last Kiss, it isn't afraid to put the punchline right in front of you. I'm not sure how it manages to get bestiality jokes past an editor though.

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Can I Talk To You About The Lord?

Tuesday is not my friend. Blah blah blah, nobody reads this part anyway blah blah blah.

Here's some comics.


Soup to Nutz 9/29/09

That is actually true. Except for the last part. Then they would just be blind and probably get shot or stabbed.



Natural Selection 9/29/09

They didn't have the balls to say 'Jesus Christ our Savior' or 'the Lord'? And I think even Jehovah's Witnesses would run from people wearing giant masks and performing a sacrifice.



Six Chix 9/29/09

The chicken came first because it's trying to lay the egg. One wing flapping would make a noise. The chicken crossed the road because there was food on the other side.

Oops, did I just destroy your 'zen'? Damn chicken.



Adam@Home 9/29/09

Children are a pain in the ass. How funny.

And where is the mother? In the kitchen still? Wow, Adam is one lazy bastard. He is home all day and he still makes his wife do all the cooking.



Stone Soup 9/29/09

Children are a pain in the ass. How funny.

Oh wait, I already used that line. Maybe because this joke was already used.

Why didn't they just get a babysitter? Then they could have gone wherever they wanted and not have worried about the children bothering them.

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Turkey Baster

I hate Mondays. Now you know and knowing is part of the conflict.


Cornered 9/28/09

"By remembering to be considerate of your cell mate's feelings when you're raping and/or stabbing him for looking at you wrong. It's the little things that make a relationship work."



Nest Heads 9/28/09

Actually, from what I hear it causes drowsiness right from the start of the show because it sucks. But I haven't seen it because I have better things to do. Such as write this stuff.



Bottomliners 9/28/09

This joke is as unoriginal as me pointing out how unoriginal it is.



The Knight Life 9/28/09

Well, she is lying. Blacks and whites haven't magically lived happily ever after since the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure why anyone would even try to teach that; it's wrongness is quite amazing. It took another 100 years after the Civil War to get somewhat equal rights for black people. And there's still a long way to go before whites and blacks live in peace.

In summation: She lie!



Watch Your Head 9/28/09

"Turkey baster thighs"? What the hell does that mean? I've never heard that before, although I am from a Midwestern state and have little interaction with people so I guess this could be something really popular that I don't know about.

Has anybody heard any other crazy things like this?

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Once again, in the nick of time

So I get home from work and pop in "Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2", and I'm having a jolly old time. However, a feeling begins to creep over me... I was forgetting something. But what? Why, it was posting about comic strips on the Internet! So here I am, with an hour and a half to spare, with a post just for you!

Herb and Jamaal, 09/25/09

I don't mind if Herb and Jamaal uses a shoddy camping storyline, but I sort of mind that they just went camping about two and a half months ago. What is this, "Brokeback Comic"? Now, I will acede that last time, they used a camper, but camping is camping and using it as a plot so soon? You're better than that, Herb and Jamaal. You really are.

Cow and Boy, 09/25/09

I fear Boy and his Orca glove. Does he know a specific orca? Is he referring to the movie from the seventies featuring an orca hell-bent on revenge for the death of its mate and unborn child? What can I do to get on Boy's good side? So many questions that will never be answered, for Boy will have killed us all by then.

Wizard of Id, 09/25/09

A few months ago, there was a strip about the Wizard going to a high school reunion and getting accosted by a bully. The bully remarked about the Wizard's habit of playing Dungeons and Dragons, and when he inquired what the wizard did for a living, he replies with a poof of magic and the line, "I went pro." Now the Wizard is claiming to have went to Hogwarts and associated with Lord Voldemort, but that just brings up all sorts of nutty things into the equation. Now, we know that "B. C." is post-apocalyptic, but the "Wizard of Id" also has all these anachronistic ideas within it with no reasonable explanation. Is it magic? Is the Wizard there because of time travel? I'm going to go with that, because there's really no reason to over-think this.

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Today's not too wholesome

First and foremost, I'd like to call attention to this, namely the first panel of the first comic and the third of PC/MS:
Dick Tracy, 09/24/09 and PC/MS, 09/15/09


The villains of each comic are making the heroes go into an arena at gun-point, for the purposes of revenge! I think it's clear that the guy who does "Dick Tracy" is reading my comic and is just going to coast from this point on copying my comics. Which will make Dick Tracy bizarre. Now then, onto to the other strips which aren't ripping me off...

Beetle Bailey, 09/24/09

I'm sure Josh Frulinger is kicking himself over taking this week off and missing this gem of a strip. What will this mean for their relationship, I wonder, especially taking into consideration this next strip...

Argyle Sweater, 09/24/09

Just look at that heart they drew onto the wall... Beetle and Sarge are getting really serious.

Sam and Silo, 09/24/09

I think that hobo is trying to suggest that he and the nun could make both their lines continue, if you get my drift...

Bleeker, the Rechargeable Dog 09/24/09

That kid is on a drug trip, most likely. Which makes sense, as yesterday he was eating "candy" off the ground. Which means that, other than the Dick Tracy thing, I've commented on a hypothetical homosexual relationship, a hobo trying to get into a nun's vestments, and a little kid on drugs. My goodness, hopefully tomorrow will be more wholesome.

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It Doesn't Matter

Wednesday is upon us. Rejoice at the passing of Hump day!

Bozo 9/23/09

Nothing negative to say, I just wanted to share a subtle joke. Do you get it?



Brewster Rockit 9/23/09

Awesome. Although, wouldn't a pacifier of energy hurt?



Ziggy 9/23/09

Is this Ziggy's way of saying that that comics page needs him? Because I'm pretty sure that it doesn't. Just because something has been around forever doesn't make it essential. Sometimes things are supposed to go extinct.



Wee Pals 9/23/09

How are chocolate and vanilla the same under the surface? If you dig down, chocolate is still brown and vanilla is still white. They don't taste the same under the surface either. I'm all for equality of race and everything, but you need to make sure your analogies make sense.

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Of Handjobs and Anuses

Today is Tuesday. This means that the week is almost 3/7ths complete. Unless you start your week on Monday, then it's only almost 2/7ths complete.

Does anyone care about these intro pieces? I find them to be really stupid most of the time. Which is sad since I write them.

Anyway, here's the other stupid things I write.


Dog Eat Doug 9/22/09

I have only one question: how did that small dog get on the table? Is there an unoccupied chair that we can't see? Or is the table just extremely low?

That really is my only complaint because dogs actually do act that way.



Frog Applause 9/22/09

So the giant wiener is asking for a handjob? While I don't find it particularly amusing I will give Frog Applause credit for being creative when it comes to disguising sexual terms in a comic strip.



The Argyle Sweater 9/22/09

Do I spy a turkey anus? I think that I do. It makes me happy when naked creatures are drawn with anatomical correctness.

Also, it's just plain funny to see a turkey anus.



Cathy 9/22/09

A new twist on the 'Smile and nod and slowly back away' theory on dealing with crazy people.

If I was a female I would be upset with the constant stereotyping of women as complete psychological disasters in Cathy.

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Shoe's Shoes

Today is Monday. That means that another week of soul crushing work has started for some of you. Perhaps reading some DCR will lighten your load.



Shoe 9/21/09

A shoe store in Shoe? And that was the best joke they had? Why not have Shoe in the shoe store instead of Prof. Cosmo? Maybe there'll be more strips in the shoe store. Maybe some of them will have a funny joke.

Oh, wait. No they won't. Because that would mean that Shoe made somebody laugh and that would break the universe.



Ziggy 9/21/09

Sardines turn Ziggy's dog into a gremlin-like creature? That'd be pretty sweet. It might even make me care about Ziggy as a comic strip again.

Come on Ziggy, give the little guy a taste already, I want to watch him kill you in an absurd way.



Cathy 9/21/09

Here's a tip for the ladies out there: if you want to have a simpler life, like many people seem to think men have, stop thinking about stuff so much. That really is the secret. I know it seems too simple to work, but it does.

Thinking only leads to doubt and second guessing. Just leap forward with reckless disregard for life and limb, that's how I do it and I haven't died or lost any limbs yet.



Fred Basset 9/21/09

I had no idea what the hell they were talking about so I looked it up. Apparently a bluebottle is like a really big housefly. They don't bite or anything, they're just really big. Oh, and blue.



Pluggers 9/21/09

The real caption that the editors wouldn't let into the papers:

"Pluggers would rather keep something that doesn't work than utilize a program started under a black president because Pluggers are old, racist Republicans."

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Of Webcomics and Quetzalcoatl

Hey folks. Here's your post. Hopefully it meets your approval.

Hi and Lois, 9/18/09

I've been doing a web-comic for years and I've only ever sold two shirts, so selling three a week? That's really not too shabby. Also: The people who do "Hi and Lois" are aware of web-comics, and vaguely aware of how they work. This worries me to no end.

Sally Forth, 09/18/09

I've been wondering the same thing about pretty much every sport.

Monty, 09/18/09

They never actually made a "Godzilla Vs Gamera" movie. It's really one of those thing that most Japanese giant monster enthusiasts (note: don't tell me the proper term for such a thing, I know what it is) really want to see in one form or another.

Ziggy, 09/18/09

Quetzalcoatl?

Hold on, why the heck is Ziggy talking about Quetzalcoatl, and in such a throw-away manner? They could have used any number of lame avian puns in this instance, yet they throw out a clue leading to an ancient Aztec deity? First "Hi and Lois" with their web-comics, and now this... I'm apprehensive about what nuttiness we'll see next week.

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The nick of time

Some days, you just don't feel like doing anything on the Internet. Today was one of those days, but here I am, with an hour and fifteen minutes to spare.

My Cage, 9/17/09

I really like how determined and serious everyone is the second panel is, as well as how quickly things seem to be escalating. Going from Child Protective Services to exorcists in less than a minute is quite a feat.

Brevity, 09/17/09

Why is the robot doing that? In fact, why are either one of them doing that? They could just get a signpost to do the same job and they wouldn't risk starting a human/robot war.

Off the Mark, 09/17/09

Speaking of human/robot relations, it's Futurama! Also, Monsters Inc, but that's not really all that exciting. My only question about this is where's Leela's nose?

Compu-Toon, 09/17/09

At least it would be if they actually blocked anything out. Those are primarily for blocking out things in the peripheral vision, after all.

Marmaduke, 09/17/09

Isn't Marmaduke's doghouse supposed to be like, a hundred times better than any simple human abode anyway? What's the purpose of busting curfew if you're just going to go next door and hang out with the old guy who lives there? Furthermore, what's it with neighborhood rascals and old men living next door? Both Marmaduke and Dennis the Menace are obsessed with their elderly male neighbors, after all. It's a bit weird.

Pluggers, 09/17/09

Pluggers should have known better than to blow all their money on Beanie Babies. They should have known that Pokemon cards were the way to go, because Pokemon is still spiffy keen.

Rubes, 09/17/09

I get the joke here, but did they really have to draw tiny snail boobs on that snail? Aren't snails hermaphroditic anyway?

Ted Rall, 09/17/09

I don't think this is a real thing, despite this being a political cartoon, but if it is I'll settle for some cheap used car.

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Single Panel Madness

The Flying McCoys 9/16/09

A fart joke? Really? And why are those three guys all close together and away from the one guy? Is he naked or something? That would be awkward.

Nude and farting in a tub of water with other men. Gives me the willys.

Still not as awkward as this.



The Quigmans 9/16/09

That's not a personal pan pizza. That's a regular pizza. Probably an extra-large from the looks of it.

What's the difference you might ask? Well, a personal pan pizza is generally small and designed for one person to eat it quite easily. The pizza depicted would not qualify as a personal pizza because most human beings would not be able to comfortably eat the entire thing.

Also, you can't replace a relationship with a person with a food item. Believe me, I've tried. The logistics just don't work.



The Last Kiss 9/16/09

To be fair, you can't really tell that soon anyway.

And what kind of family keeps track of that? A pretty fucked up one if you ask me, and you did because I'm the only one here.

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