by Hal Bent
Tuesdays are terrible: They're like Mondays on steroids. So Tuesday is now "Terrible Tuesday" and served with extra snark. Speaking of terrible, I hate those LasVegas.com commercials with the guy named LasVegas.com. That's just stupid and annoying. It has nothing to do with comics, but I just had to vent. Sorry, you get stuck reading it because it's Terrible Tuesday already.
Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:
MAN: You are losing weight. I am still fat, unattractive, and have a huge nose.
WOMAN: I am ugly as sin and have 1957 glasses, but not as fat as you are.
WOMAN: Therefore, I have posted my profile on dating websites and have received replies.
MAN: Holy crap. You are attractive to other people now that you are not obese?
WOMAN: Compared to your fat ass, apparently the answer is yes.
Everything is better with robots!
Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II:
Also, you'll be in my basement. In a hole. With your hands tied behind your back. And I broadcast it at a subscription rate to other Ziggy-haters. I got seed money from some guy named Bent. (Some day I'm gonna get a serious Ziggy fan to stumble across this site who will seethe in anger and tear me apart in the comments and on his/her own blog. THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!)
Pluggers by Gary Brookins:
Which means this fat Rhino Plugger is still fat, hasn't lost the weight his Doctor begged him too, is likely diabetic, eats at McDonalds five or six meals a week, doesn't get regular exercise, and is a walking health hazard who will cost the taxpayers and his future Union brothers millions as they over-run premiums and tax the healthcare system. Hold your heads up high, Pluggers. You are ruining America. Whoo-hoo! Represent!
Barney & Clyde by Gene Weingarten, Dan Weingarten & David Clark:
I usually like puns. That said, this one does involve peeing, so despite the horrible pun, it passes the sniff test. That said, it reminds me of a story about horrible puns. OK, I lied, it reminds of a story about peeing, and yoga. Umm, you know what, that's a bad idea. I'm gonna stop now.